return my video game
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
