I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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