At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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