Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
