i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
