spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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