Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
