I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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