I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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