If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
