Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
