When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
