So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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