You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
