Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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