is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
