you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
