I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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