remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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