somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even my farts smell like vagina
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
