i think my tv is drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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