Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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