good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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