When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
