My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
