Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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