We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
