She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
