pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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