I showed him my bush... on skype.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
