I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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