She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
