you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
