I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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