just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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