It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize