well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
