come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize