I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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