Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
