hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
