So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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