Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
