Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
