One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
