She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
