I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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