i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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