i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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