my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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