just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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