I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
