My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
