the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
