i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I met the friendliest cop last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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