One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
