You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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