This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
