I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
