i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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