i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
