So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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