8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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