He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
